Mama Friend Zone

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Mama standing upright vacuuming cream living room rug with cord in view.  Toddler son in diaper standing to her left with his own toy vacuum attempting to help and vacuum in tandem.

Aloha Mama!

It’s been a hot girl summer for me- I’ve been cleaning incessant crumbs (but crushing my vacuuming form), chasing after an elderly cat we’re watching trying to get her to eat and take her medicine, swimming in the pool whenever possible, watching the power of the late afternoon thunderstorms rolling in, taking in the lazily hanging Spanish moss from the cypress trees over the lake that frame the mirrored water beyond, and taking a good look with my own soulful mirror into just what’s going on with me.

I’m a self-employed visionary who has created her own space to empower expectant and postpartum Mothers.  I’ve taken my skills as a Physician to meet Mamas outside the bounds of clinical medicine because I was compelled with every fiber in my creative heart that this space was needed.  A place where I could tap into my inner artist and be vulnerable.  Where I could share the dirty, the riding the struggle bus moments, and also savor all of it with you.  Where we could safely fall apart and come back together.  Be validated.  Be encouraged.  Be heated.  Be heard.  Be uniquely us.  Feel supported.  Feel safe to rise to pursue that which aligns with the dreams divinely dropped into our souls.  To be reminded that parenting these precious little people is a gift to cherish.  It’s tough.  It’s dirty.  It’s also the most sacred expansive space to live into.  It’s a privilege.  Every minute of it.  

We can vacuum and clean and convince ourselves we’ve survived another day and sleep deprived night.  Or we can thrive.  With greasy side ponies and another round of yoga pants and our husband’s Lululemon shirt we stole (telling for a friend pictured on the side haha).  I do try and clean when my children are watching.  I want them to see and visualize the pride I take in creating a clean and orderly environment amidst the colorful chaos and crumbs and creativity.  I want them to choose to expend their energy alongside me when they see me consistently using mine in this way.  And on this day, Cruz grabbed his little push toy “vacuum” and we attacked the blue corn chips and bits of quinoa and whatever else was lurking on the carpet after meals and snacks, and more snacks and meals.  It’s also possible that some crumbs were my contribution upon late night Olympic watching extravaganzas on repeat.  

We don’t have cable at home on Maui so it was kind of serendipitous we happened to be here in Florida to watch this installation of the Tokyo Olympiad.  I mean let’s hear it for Japan- they got creative and innovative and made this thing happen.  The opening ceremonies, the closing ceremonies, the drones and the Japanese artistry woven throughout.. I was here for it.  Into the wee hours for it.  Also, can we get someone on creating an emoji for the Olympic Rings already?  I feel it’s necessary.  

And maybe if the Olympic anthem played in the background when we were cleaning or changing diapers or focusing on applying sunscreen to a writhing contorting magician of a child, we might feel more athletic.  But can you claim it?  Your body has accomplished Olympic level feats.  You’ve already secured your place as a Goddess upon Mount Olympus.  You are shining just where you are.  Yes, you’re shining with the spit up on you and the leaking boobies and the braidable leg hair and the extras rolls and the stretch marks.  

Okay and back to not watching commercials because no cable in our island life…  the commercial for the Paralympic swimmer and her Mama standing in the kitchen receiving the call from the adoption agency about a baby girl—in Siberia, “Her life, it won’t be easy” …. “It might not be easy, but it’ll be amazing”…. “I can’t wait to meet her.” And then she swims up to the kitchen table with a smile reflecting the love, adoration and belief that has enabled her to swim in such a magnificent way.   The commercial telling the story of a prelude to the illustrious and impactful life she will lead… cue the tears.. cue all the tears.  But did we know that Jessica Long is a 13 time gold medal Paralympic swimmer 🥇 (x13)?!  Born with fibular hemimelia, a condition that led to her bilateral BKA (below the knee amputations).  We’re all moved.  

I’m here in the kitchen.  I’m here vacuuming beside you.  This is the kind of belief I have in you.  I’ve received the call.  I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but it would be amazing to create this space. To watch you shine.  To watch you soar.  To witness you create magic in your lives and break records instead of being broken by the circumstances which will test your limits in life.  Mama, I can’t wait to meet you.  The real you.  The one without makeup.  The one that knows she’s in an eternal hot girl summer and is harmonizing with her growing bump and subsequent postpartum body.  I’ll go to the jumpy trampoline or bounce house birthday parties with you and bring you an extra pair of black yoga pants so we can jump and let that pelvic floor leak a little if it needs to—when it needs to.  We can ride the struggle bus together- you bring the coffee, I’ll bring the snacks.  And yes, you CAN sit by us.  It’s all inclusive.  For every Mama.  Postpartum is forever.

This is it.  We’re never promised that life would be easy.  We know that. It’s the eye rolling comment of “sleep now” that is passed along to pregnant mothers… like we had some illusion that we were entering into spa like uninterrupted nights of sleep.  It won’t be easy.  But it’ll be amazing.  We know that.  We choose to live into that expanse every single day.  We see our babies swimming up to us from their amniotic fluid sacs and into whatever kind of artist, athlete, and acrobatic tree climber or tree hugger they will grow up to be. That kind of courage. That kind of belief.  That kind of bravery.  

So the Olympic Games are ongoing for you Mama.  The opening ceremonies were the moment you pushed, pulled and delivered in any way or event that perfect baby.  That gold medal performance.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again that in my extensive work with athletes and in Sports Medicine, my favorite and the most phenomenal athletes are Mamas.  Can you claim what your body has done, what your body is doing?  Your Olympic torch was run around the geography of your body for 9 months growing that human to be lit indefinitely for the events to transpire.  It’s magnificent. The rings that bind you to yourself, your child, your intimate relationships, your community, the world- you’re an Olympian.  And everyday you show up for training.  The grueling-exhausting-pushing your body to the limits training.  It might be the vacuuming, it might be the consistent late night feeds, it might be the shuttling people to and fro.  It might be calling upon your inner poop doola to cheer on a crowning turd or coach through the pushing, but I see you as an impeccably accomplished athlete.  As a poised goddess in her own domain on her own mountain.  With no one to convince.  Qualifications are over.  You’re in the finals. Your were qualified by being born.  You are uniquely appointed to run the race in a way that glorifies the divine being you were created to be.  You were chosen.  And it is safe for you to rise.  It is safe for you to create the life of your dreams.  To be in your humor.  To vacuum to your own anthem.  To belt out the tunes that showcase your pipes.  To rock your bathing suit in your year round hot girl summer bod.  It’s a Mom bod.  And it’s accomplished.  It has run the race.  It has never failed you.  And you can’t fail.  You just keep showing up.  It’s okay to get the twisties and get disoriented.  It’s imperative to prioritize your mental health.  Thank you Simone Biles for shining light upon this at the Olympics.  It’s so difficult for women to prioritize themselves.  And those layers often get more complex in Motherhood, where we fear disappointing others, including our children.  What if you lived from a space of self compassion where you prioritized your mental health and you vowed never to disappoint yourself again?  Where you validated your inner worth and your Mamatuition- You are a force.  This is your path.  You’re a cheetah and you know it.  

I’ve struggled over the past 2 years with bouts of self-doubt and worthiness. Around where I stand with regards to my role as a Physician and what that “should look like”.  I’ve released the limiting beliefs.  I’ve chosen to honor the voice inside and the calling that consistently illustrates to me my place as a Healer.  This encompasses all that I am- as a human, a visionary, a creative, an artist, an empath, a Mama, a wife, a friend, a sister, a queen of embracing and exuding aloha, a terrible singer but looking for that 4 chair turn anyway, an imperfectly perfect hot girl summer bathing suit bod, a leaking when I do jump rope or bounce on the trampoline mother of 2, a Board Certified Pediatrician that longed for more and to meet those Mamas in a way that was so pure and vulnerable, so raw and real, so expansive and energetic that it couldn’t exist and thrive in those sterile hospital walls and halls.  

So we’re here in these halls.  In the halls of our homes and apartments and condos all over the globe to be here. To choose us.  To choose ourselves.  To validate that your maternal mental health is the single greatest investment you can make and place on your time to thrive.  You are worthy of pursuing your wildest dreams.  You are worthy of creating and willing yourself toward the as-good-as-your-life-gets lanes.  Of breaking your own Olympic and world records.  Of setting the bar higher and higher for yourself.  Of pacing yourself in a way that honors your spiritual and emotional energy.  Of nurturing your soul and speaking your own love languages into your life.

This love letter has been building.  I’m writing it for myself.  And in doing that I’m writing it to all of you.  I’ve struggled to write you over the past month.  And I’ve judged myself on the merits of “failing you” with each passing week.  Of what I want Mama Mindset to look like.  Of how I want it to evolve.  Of how I will judge it on the basis of whether or not it is “successful.”  And this type of thinking is laced with the limiting beliefs of the past.  I’m releasing them again.  Like I’m out there on the rhythmic gymnastics floor throwing up my baton and silky swirling apparatus to release these thoughts which sabotage rather than serve.  I’m diving in the synchronized artistic swimming pool with you as a team so we can spin and shine and throw our legs up in the air like we do care.  You’re exquisite.

As a woman, I’ve always been told and interpreted societal signals that I couldn’t “have it all.” That I’d have to choose between being a successful career Physician and Mom, having a thriving marriage and going on all the adventures my heart desires. As a woman, I’ve invalidated the passions and talents I have because I believed I couldn’t make a career or living out of these things.  Connecting with people.  Writing.  Being empathic on a deeply spiritual level.  Energetically meeting people where they are.  Being present in sacred moments when Mamas welcome their miracles into the world.  Holding space for the unthinkable tragedies this life also serves up in the loss of babies and the death of children.  I have been in all these moments.  I am in them now with those I love.  I am made for this.  

I know now that I can have all of these things.  I don’t just believe it is possible.  I flow with the energy that by showing up every day for myself and prioritizing my maternal mental health and who I am as an artist and creator, that the prosperity I desire for my life and for yours is waiting to wash over us.  That manifesting this Mama energy is my life force and my way to serve.  That by being me, the most raw and real, vulnerable vacuuming version is it.  There is not some complex formula or race I need to run or accolades to accomplish.  I’ve done that.  I’ve put in the work and the force and the hardship and the agonizing hours.  I wouldn’t trade a moment in that arduous path.  The counseling degree. The marriage and family therapy sessions I held.  The group therapy sessions I ran.  The individual play therapy sessions I got to design for children in at-risk homes and situations.  The play therapy models I presented at a European counseling conference in Germany for Pediatric Cancer patients.  The efficacy of utilizing pets in group therapy.  The 60-90 hour workweeks inside the Pediatric hospital caring for the keiki of Hawai’i, the freshest newborns in the rainbow state all swaddled in aloha, the sickest children in all the islands, the traumas that happened while on vacations…. The triumphant moments and the bitterly heartbreaking ones too.  I claim them all.  All of it.  The organic chemistry I struggled to teach myself as a second language on soccer away trips during my collegiate soccer career at the University of Miami.  Choosing to complete a Neurosicence degree during undergraduate while being a student athlete.  Staying one year after I completed Pediatric Residency to become a sub specialist in Sports Medicine.  I claim all of it.  I minimize it no longer.  It is massive what I’ve accomplished.  The meaning of it though, the meandering and the serendipitous path have come into focus as I’ve surrendered.  Repeatedly surrendered.  I’ve stopped running and chasing the next goal and accolade.  The meaning, the longing for fulfillment and connection, the human and creative woman who chooses to be here vacuuming instead of performing spinal taps on tiny infants in a Pediatric ER somewhere is standing here so I can clean up a space for you.  For me.  For us.  And download all that I have learned into your Mama hard drive.  To validate you as the expert on your own child and a Mamatrician in your own right.

There has been a vacuum in my experience of a place for Mamas to struggle with feelings of being “enough”- to shed the limiting beliefs around not being worthy- to confront the thoughts on shaming our bodies - trying desperately to appear an adequate and poised Mother to all around us - to shed the burden of the comparemode which consumes us all at times.  I’m vacuuming because this space exists.  This mindset is present within your beautiful brain now.  You were born with it and it was encoded into your DNA.  I am standing at the intersection between the science and humanism.  The Physician in me and the counselor in me was made to build this and to create this.  The Mama bounce house.  The Mamaship. 

This is a friendship Mamaship zone where I long for you to never feel isolated ever again.  You are not alone.  Your thoughts are never too dark or too deep or too shallow or too anything.  You matter. Your thoughts matter.  Your dreams matter. Shame is checked at the door, because it isn’t serving you anymore.  I’m not ashamed of any of it anymore.  Of the way I’m choosing to live into this dream.  Of what I envision for you.  For Mama Mindset.  I realize all of the good that I’m doing just by showing up.  Of the value of my vulnerability as the currency of moving us forward.

I’m constantly learning and experiencing.  I’m showing up for me.  I’m showing up imperfectly in all the Mama mayhem you experience daily too.  I’m here for the magnificence. For the Mamamentum.  For you to showcase your superpower in your Mamatuition and all the things I’ll say over and over again.  To be your Moula is my life’s calling. I was already doing it repeatedly in my personal life to people, friends and strangers who became friends, who found their way to me.  And this energy is expansive and it’s meant to be shared in collaboration.  So, I’m not hiding behind my white coat and stethoscope anymore.  I’m here to tune into your heartbeat and that which makes your heart soar. 

I’m present for my babies in a way that I only once dreamed might be possible.  There is not a night that goes by where I don’t give gratitude to my future self who beckoned me on toward a massive life pivot away from the job, the prestigious job I spent 20+ years working toward. Because it wan’t the job.  This is.  And it’s not a job.  It’s a calling.  It’s an honor.  It’s a creative masterpiece and an ongoing Mama graffiti zone with all of us adding our own unique colors and artistry.  I almost wasn’t here.  But I am.  And I’ll never take for granted the ability to write to you tonight or to get to vacuum mid day or go to Costco during normal business hours.  The magic in the mundane.  It’s there.  

I’m exploring passions and hobbies that I muted for so long in my survival mode and perfectionism to be the very best Doctor I could be.  I’m so proud of that version of myself and how well I cared for my patients and families.  I’m massively claiming the self love and compassion I’m now allowing so the abundance of my creativity and passion for writing and creating art can explode.  I’m asking myself everyday, “Anik, how good are you willing to let your life get, Mama?”  And I am willing to let it get crazy amazing.  

I’m willing to let it magnetically attract Mamas all over the world I’m meant to serve.  I’m willing to let it connect me to the stories of perseverance, courage, bravery and innovation of Mamas everywhere.  I’m willing to let it propel me to write the children’s books I always dreamed sharing- those whimsical thoughts that swim in my brain and allow them to flow onto the pages.  I’m willing to hold space for all the places I’ll go and get to travel with my family.  Of all the children and Mamas I’m meant to meet and learn from.  Of the humanity I’m meant to experience.  Of the exchanges I’m meant to have. Of all the things I have yet to learn.  Of all the humility I have yet to lean into.  Of all the mistakes I have yet to make and all of the ways I have left to pivot.  

I’m fortunate enough to to have a supportive husband with whom I’ve had ongoing life chats and dialogues about who I am and how I’m meant to show up and serve.  I’m fortunate I was able to get reeeally uncomfortable to confront all the limiting beliefs and stories I’d carried around for so long, to get brave enough to dream to the limitless altitudes that are meant for me and to express this in the best way I knew how to him.  To have allowed for him to reciprocate his unwavering belief in me and how that deepens our marriage.  To have the courage to have the conversations in which you feel completely vulnerable, and yet completely validated. 

I’m here for all of that for you Mamas.  We are meant to walk this journey together.  To walk and not run.  To stroll leisurely and to stay a while. To surrender to the genius zone within.  To meditate on all the Mama moments whether you’re moving 100 mph through your day or you are actually sitting down to catch your breath.  You don’t have to convince anyone of anything ever again.  What if you knew you were enough just as you are?!  You can stop running.  You can surrender.  You are safe to rise and succeed in any way that you dream!  Do you believe that?!

You are meant to live a life of abundance and prosperity- physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally and financially.  You are worthy of every richness this life has to offer you.  Adn you are worthy of offering this life every richness of spirit and skill and creativity that is woven into the fibers that make you completely unique and never again to be replicated.  

So it’s okay to be tired.  But coming out of Mombie mode is your path. It is your way.  You’re not meant to survive these months of preparing for Motherhood and to “get your body back” postpartum.  You’re not meant to survive the sleepless nights of your child’s infancy and the toddler years. You’re made to THRIVE through it all. Through it all.  Yes, Thrive. You.  I

t is my Magenda to stay here in my lane running, crawling, crying, sobbing, swimming, pumping next to you until you believe that. Until you question it no more.  That you already know the way.  That you already possess all of the skills.  That you are worthy.  That you are created to be the Mama for this beautiful being.  That comparison, guilt, shame, and judgment are the limiting beliefs you release like butterflies on the wind of your wild and free life.  You were made to fly among them.  

Motherhood is a metamorphosis.  We did grow larger and then cocoon this life.  And we emerged differently.  We don’t want our “bodies back” or our hot girl spring break circa high school bikini bods back.  This Mama pageant is yours to walk that runway forever.  Your’e ready now.  It’s a mindset.  It’s a mental health choice and prioritization.  It’s a willingness to let go of what you think you need to be doing or aying or accomplishing or showing, and a willingness to surrender to what it’s like to be blissfully home in your own skin- yes the stretch marks-extra folds-beautifully worn skin.  Those laugh lines you earmed from being outside in nature and laughing so hard it hurt are worth it.  And they’re jewelry to display.  Nothing about you needs to be hidden.  It’s all part of your Mamamentum.  

To fight the limiting beliefs that once caged me, I’ve chosen to dive deep into the ways that my soul soars.  The surrender of meditation, of movement medicine for my body through yoga and walking, running if I feel like it and can smile.  Of journaling my raw and unedited thoughts.  Of trusting my intuition- my Mamatuition-that if a thought comes into my brain it’s to serve me and minimizing or muting it is not serving me or anyone I’m meant to impact.  Of trusting myself.  Of having my own back.  Of making a commitment to myself and keeping it.  Of prioritizing my mental health . Of knowing I’ll never settle for disappointing myself ever again.  Of holding my boundaries. Of being a recovering people-pleaser for the rest of my days.  Of doing the inner work and letting people in…. Really letting them in.  Of being vulnerable and letting down my guard.  Of trusting others.  Of not being afraid of getting hurt.  Of knowing I’m loved unconditionally and that I’m okay no matter what.  Of believing everything is working out for my highest good.  Of validating that all my emotions are my teachers and they are here to serve me.

And so I nourish.  I hydrate.  I do the yoga (sometimes) but when I do those sun salutations I’m a bird, you’re a bird, and I do feel the peace available for me to overcome the overwhelm. I do move my body in a way that allows me to experience movement as medicine. I view food as medicine and eat mindfully (and by this I mean I don’t judge myself for my cravings and indulgences).  I journal. I’m curious and fascinated about myself and committed to continue learning. I’m grateful for it all.  I look and find the magic in the mundane.  Nature dresses up for me each day and I dress up for it- okay it’s true 9 times out of 10 I can be found in yoga pants, a bathing suit or some type of costco sarong, but I’m dressed up in my heart for nature. I’m connected.  

My hope is that I can be the best version of myself for myself.  That I can lean into all the genius zone that comprises Anik.  That I can be the Mama I know I’m meant to be to Camden and Cruz, the kind of wife I dream is worthy of JD, the kind of visionary and creative that goes for it and creates the whimsical and wonderful, and the forever friend for Mamas like you that is in it with you.  Wholeheartedly.  For every emotion.  

I want to create a world where Mamas are no longer isolated.  Where they are validated and they claim their power.  Where they leave limiting beliefs that they are meant to be overwhelmed in early Motherhood and in all of it Motherhood behind forever.  Where they lean into the abundance and prosperity available to them, designed for them, destined for them.  Where they adventure and leap and celebrate their own creativity and inner artist.  Where shame and comparison and judgment and fear are the mean girls of the past.  Where you are authenticated joyfully and judgment is slammed behind the doors of the struggle bus we can ride together eating our snacks and drinking our lattes.

I want my babies to see me as a real person experiencing every emotion, owning up to my mistakes, and living into all the feelings — fears, dreams, desires, awareness, and connection to others I’ve been gifted with. 

I know I’m flawed.  I know I’m fierce. I know I’m fearless in the pursuit of Mamas.  That I’m committed to pursuing your Mama heart. That all the roles I’ve played in life have led me here to be your Moula.  To believe in you until you believe in yourself. 

The kind of friendship Mamaship I’m seeking here is the kind swaddled in the truth- the vulnerability to fall apart, the kind of trust to talk about what is most real, true and beautiful, to share our fears and validate all the emotions that color the landscape of our lives.  

I’m here.  In the s show with you all.  That first year is tough.  And it continues to be tough in different tones and colors as we evolve as Mamas with our children through the seasons of their lives.  Through the seasons of our lives. We tap into the inner nurturing essence of our souls encoded in our DNA as our birthright.  And we recognize the growing signs to nurture ourselves along the way.  

This community is here to be a place to fall apart.  To ride the struggle bus together.  To not know the answers and not fear appearing inadequate.  To not feel judged or shamed.  To validate yourself as a brilliant human.  A Mama.  A creative.  A visionary.  An empath.  An artist.  An individual.  Connected.  To yourself.  To your babies.  To your intimate relationships in your life.  To other Mamas who see you and validate you.  To holding space for yourself. To sacred time you carve out for yourself.  To nourish yourself.  

So, invite me to the baby showers and parties with the professional cookies made, to look at the carefully curated nursery and to browse your super cute IG account. 

But for me, being invited into the sacred space of you figuring it out, of you claiming your power, of the mess and mayhem of the colorful chaos, of the struggle of the fears and anxieties and doubts, of the REAL—- that’s the true honor for me.  It’s there in the expansive space that we cultivate Mama Mindset.  It’s there I know I tap into that which allows me as a human to connect, to serve, to validate, to heal.  I’ve been doing it for years as a counselor, social worker, Doctor, Pediatrician, Healer, Mama, wife, human, friend.  And this is truly what lights my soul on fire.  

So, welcome.  This is your space.  Your community.  To be seen.  To be loved.  To be celebrated.  To be validated.  To be safe to rise.  To create and bring forth into this world the dreams that have been divinely dropped into you.  To fall apart.  To come back together.  To claim your power.  To drop expectations and shame and doubt and comparison and come into the expansive space of how you feel most aligned with your core values of how to Mother.  

Your are a force.  You are safe to rise. You are magnificent.

This is a forever kind of thing Mama.  And showing up for yourself is a forever kind of love.  

Becoming a Mama is tough!  It’s terrific and fulfilling, beautiful and empowering.  It’s also challenging.  It can be isolating.  It involves the loss of sense of self and the gaining of another.  We often don’t claim the space to process these transitions.  

Until the next time- but for serious— how many hours did you spend blowing up those balloons #askingforafriendfromexperience 😂) 

Cheers to this Mamaship.

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