To the Father’s Born Alongside Us

The Dad’s.  

The way they themselves are born the moment baby comes into the world.  

Let’s also celebrate the Dads that are born alongside us.  The raw emotions that surges from him the moment the miracle they co-created is born.  And they too are reborn as a Father.

This is an incredible moment in any delivery.  Witnessing Dad’s reaction to baby coming into the world is exquisitely magical to behold.  

In the vaginal delivery rooms, I stand poised at the ready to start the clock as soon as baby emerges.  I see him standing by her side suspended in complete awe and adoration, in absolute focused anticipation.  And his eyes convey that he has been ushered into a new realm. He is immersed in the Daddy gratitude that is upon him.  

In the OR, he is gowned and gloved, with his sterile hat on.  He is behind the curtain mesmerized that this Mama has carried this baby.  He feels the weight of the room prepared for baby’s arrival. And when the weight of that baby is placed in his arms he’s done.  He’s done holding back.  And his emotions are healing balm for Mama looking on, and for baby feeling his love.  And as she loses herself completely in the power of what she has accomplished, in baby’s safe arrival and in the Father she now sees for the first time, she is completely at peace.

He has been connected and present, gaining excitement and momentum alongside Mama throughout the pregnancy season.  He has paid attention, felt the kicks and flutters, heard the heart beat, and breathed sighs of relief that Mama and baby have thrived.  He has repeatedly whispered prayers for their safety.  And he has held much of this in.  He has dreamed of this baby too.  

The reality that baby is being born overwhelms his sense of carefully constructed emotional presentation to the world.  It’s so beautiful how it spills over.  All that he has been gloriously guarding.  His connection via Mama to baby throughout the pregnancy melts as his arms now hold the tangible evidence of that baby looking up at him.  Dad. Co-Guardian and protector.  And he cannot believe this gets to be his life.  He’s called to a higher purpose now.  He’s a Father.

The way he shows up and holds space for Mama through labor is compellingly powerful.  He’s guarded and calculated, strong and stoic, ready to support her in ways that she needs.  And yet he grasps that she has tapped into her superpowers that transcend that delivery room.  And his respect and adoration for her grows as the contractions grow more intense.  As she calls upon all that is deep and primal within her to carry this baby through and to deliver a spectacular performance unlike anything he has ever seen or imagined.  

The way he immerses himself in the emotional constellation of the room.  The divine anticipation mixed with pain and peace and perseverance that lingers in the air as a prelude to baby’s arrival.  The way he carries his own burden of desiring safety for Mama and baby throughout the journey to birth.  His silent prayers and pleas that they both grow and thrive safely.  He senses and acknowledges it all.  He needs them.  He is incomplete without them.

And then labor and delivery comes.  He packed his bag at her instruction, or maybe he brought the bag she packed him.  He knew it was game time.  He has never beheld an athletic performance of this duration or intensity.  And he is sitting on the sidelines stoked to be called into the game in wild wonderment.  His stoic posture melts as he witnesses her calling upon her intuition and ability to deliver this miracle into the world.  He is completely overcome with emotion and awe.  And when he gets the call, he sprints past all emotional barriers- tears streaming down his cheeks to join them as a Dad.  With her hand in his.  He has been invited all along. But this is different.  This is more.  This is Dad.

And humanity is softer in that moment—seeing a Dad allow himself to be born, to be overwhelmed.  The expansiveness of that overwhelm.  The energetic invitation.  To be present in that harmonious moment with Mama and baby.  He beams with pride for what she has accomplished on her own accord.  He stands in gratitude for his role in it all. And he claims the Fatherly vibes washing over him.  He feels, he acknowledges, and he harmonizes with the full circle of the co-creation in the miracle he now holds in his arms.

It is truly magnificent to watch him shed all need to be strong for her and baby through the labor and delivery and allow that raw emotion to surge through.  The uncalculated smiles, the look of shock and awe and wonderment, the tears, the relief that Mama and baby are happy and healthy.  It is all a divine recipe for what authentic vulnerability looks like.  And how powerful it truly is.

I love seeing grooms gaze down the aisle at their brides in total awe and gratitude that this gets to be their life.  That she chose him.  That he gets to be the one.  And that look comes back magnified in the delivery room- he’s once again in total awe and gratitude now compounded.  This gets to be his life.  He gets to be a Father.  She chose him again and now this little miracle chose him too.  He gets to be the Dad.  

No matter the colorful chaos in the vaginal delivery rooms or OR suites, I always try and steal a glance at the Dad’s at birth.   Because it is glorious to behold.  His masculinity is made more powerful in his submission to the emotional current he feels. In the invitation to let down any lingering posture of societal strength, he allow a new kind of strength- one he can’t control and yet emerges from him naturally as he gazes at Mama.  And together they look upon this miracle entrusted to their care.

To the Dad’s born alongside you in your life as a Mama. Think back to those early raw moments in your labor as you exchanged glances, especially in the moments when talking became a luxury and you devoted all of your energy into bringing forth that baby into the world.  The unspoken strength and love and awe exchanged.  The energy in the glances.  And then when your eyes met as baby was delivered into this world.  That sacred peaceful moment of heavenly heaviness, knowing you just cemented your role as parents.  Together.  And then your delight at seeing him become a Father.  The way his eyes and whole being became a Dad when he held that baby.  He was born again, that guy, that dude, that Dad.  All the beauty in those Fatherly vibes.

So here’s to the Dad’s born alongside us.